Thursday, September 18, 2014

Loneliness

Loneliness
Loneliness embraces me
with its cold fingers,
every time when I call
your name.
I can feel the hollowness
inside my heart every time
when I dream about you.

-Nuruljannah-

I should have

I should have

I call upon you,
in my dreams,
in my tears.
I blame it on my
ludicrous heart,
I should have crushed that
gardenia when it started
burgeoning inside it.
You are smiling
with her slender hands on
your broad shoulders,
while despair
is suffocating
me.

-Nuruljannah-

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

"For I love him, and he didn't love back."



Two-Volume Novel
The sun's gone dim, and
The moon's turned black;
For I loved him, and
He didn't love back. 
-Dorothy Parker-


I love this poem as though it's speaking to me, "You're not alone!" This poem is palpably sad and I can indeed relate to this. By the way here are my poems for today. Both are six-word poems entitled "Unrequited"  and "Love":


Unrequited
You are
my music
of pain.


Love
You are
my poison,
my wine.

-Nuruljannah-

Monday, September 8, 2014

Sometimes

Sometimes,
people can be
as cold as loneliness
colder than the callous winter.
Their eyes are gelid
and they can freeze you
to death.

-Nuruljannah-


Sunday, August 31, 2014

Self-publish?

Assalamualaikum and hello there,

It has been awhile since I last rambled on and on like an old lady who doesn't have a life. I miss writing discursively, grousing about my mundane problems, and expressing my nonexistent love life.

 Like always, I'm still stuck with my never-ending thesis. Alhamdulillah, at least I've submitted to the second examiner. I hope my examiner would not die of boredom reading it. Please pray for me. #PrayforNuruljannah.

By the way, for you information, (not to swank about or anything *snorts*), two of my poems "Akad Nikah" and "Repetition" have been published in "Asian Centre Anthology of Malaysian Poetry in English".



Alhamdulillah. I remember my first publication. My first poem entitled "I wish I were that girl" was actually published in Star Newspaper, under Poetry Corner. Sadly, I didn't manage to keep it. How did I know it was published in that newspaper that might have been used to wrap nasi lemak? (Note:Nasi lemak is Malaysian food. Yummy. I'm salivating). 


Okay, let me confess something. At times, I love to google myself. Yes, just like an old lady who doesn't have a life. Well, it's just for a precaution in case people might sabotage you or your horrible pictures might pop up. Yeah, I know I am just a nobody but like I said, just for a precaution.

 Again, not to boast or anything *evil grins*, there were two people who surprisingly loved my ridiculous poem. Hey, to me, two people are a lot! That's how I knew it was published in Star Newspaper. Whaddaya know. Googling yourself paid off after all.

I love it when my ridiculous  poems evoke people's emotions or inspire them. I want my poems to be people's confidantes, loyal best friends or a friend who you usually watch movies with, as if my poems are speaking to you, saying you're not alone.

I don't want my poems to be literary writings that perplex people's mind or to be intricate like annoying mathematical problems. 

Yes, I admit, my poems are not like Shakespeare, Robert Frost or Emily Dickinson. But, I write with my heart and soul. I really hope my poems can inspire you or be your loyal and a little bit of your annoying friends.

I'm thinking of self-publish since it's difficult to find a publisher. I know I will not gain any profits. But hey, that is not the reason for me to write poems. I want to inspire, annoy you  and make my poems to be your loyal friends.

Whaddaya think?

By the way, before I go, here is poem of a day entitled "The Red Balloon":

The Red Balloon















Teach me Ya Rahman,
how to let go this
red balloon
that does not 
belong to me?

Teach me Ya Rahim,
how to soothe my aching heart
when I let this 
red balloon go?

Teach me Ya Wadud,
how to untie its string that is
intricately wrapped
around my wrist?

Please teach me Ya Rabb,
how to let go.

-Nuruljannah-




Wednesday, June 18, 2014

I still dream about you.

Last night, I have a beautiful heartbreaking dream. I was at an unknown place, swarming with people. I elbowed my way through the teeming place and felt like walking through the dark road with dim street lights. Some people seemed familiar especially one particular person who made my heart freeze. It was him, the one who is utterly important to me albeit he broke it. Yes, I could feel my apprehension in that dream. I did not know why I felt scared when I saw him. Perhaps, I was scared of getting hurt again. His smile was glowing like starlight. Perhaps, it's because his dream came true. I was never in his dream or not even close to his world.


I evaded him by going the opposite path. Then, a platoon of vicious soldiers came from nowhere, brandishing guns at us. I heard people screaming and everything turned chaotic. Instead of running for my life, I was looking for him. All I could think about was his safety.

 I spun around and ran straight to him as soon as I found him. I shielded him with my body. While shielding him, I held both of his hands tightly. It felt so real. I could feel his warmth. I knew it was inappropriate and sinful to touch opposite gender but I couldn't control myself. As if I were possessed by something. I whispered to him word by word, "I..love.. you.. Always!" I let go both of his hands slowly when one of the vicious soldiers shot me.




Then, I woke up. I wonder what's the real meaning behind my dream.Perhaps, that vicious soldier who shot me signifies painful reality and letting go means I need to move on even though I still have strong feelings for him.

Yes, honestly, I still do care about him and his happiness. That's why I tried to erase him from my mind as he has found his happiness. No more chasing after him. I let him go because I truly love him. I wish I know why I have these enigmatically strong feelings for him.

It reminds me of the scene from The Phantom of the Opera play. The phantom let Chrisitine go so she could marry Raoul and be happy albeit he still has strong feelings for her. I could feel Erik, the phantom's pain deeply.



I wish moving on is as easy as eating. I want to be happy too, to love and be loved in return. I am tired with wasting my time with unrequited love and sad endings.

But, I know Allah knows best. I trust Him and His wisdom. I really hope my dream comes true too. To love and be loved in return and be happy with my significant other in this world and the Hereafter.Please, Ar-Rahman, make it come true.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Madness

Assalamualaikum and hi there. I know I've failed (again) to complete NaPoWriMo challenge as I'm currently struggling to complete my tedious Master's thesis. Oh, well. By the way, here's my poem for today. I just want to share my madness with all of you ngehahaha..okay, just ignore my menacing laugh (don't worry it's harmless) Here goes:

Madness

How can you live
in the place
that you called home
where you breathe loneliness
and the walls turn darker,
where you can only hear
anger echoes,
they blame you
for all the madness,
where you don't realize
you are married to the
freezing loneliness that crawls
in your skin
night and day,
where you feel like
you don't belong here
in the place that you called
home.

-Nuruljannah-

P.S. Yup, this Master's thesis indeed drives me insane.