I call upon you,
in my dreams,
in my tears.
I blame it on my
I should have crushed that
gardenia when it started
burgeoning inside it.
You are smiling
with her slender hands on
your broad shoulders,
Two-Volume Novel The sun's gone dim, and The moon's turned black; For I loved him, and He didn't love back.
I love this poem as though it's speaking to me, "You're not alone!" This poem is palpably sad and I can indeed relate to this. By the way here are my poems for today. Both are six-word poems entitled "Unrequited" and "Love":
It has been awhile since I last rambled on and on like an old lady who doesn't have a life. I miss writing discursively, grousing about my mundane problems, and expressing my nonexistent love life.
Like always, I'm still stuck with my never-ending thesis. Alhamdulillah, at least I've submitted to the second examiner. I hope my examiner would not die of boredom reading it. Please pray for me. #PrayforNuruljannah.
By the way, for you information, (not to swank about or anything *snorts*), two of my poems "Akad Nikah" and "Repetition" have been published in "Asian Centre Anthology of Malaysian Poetry in English".
Alhamdulillah. I remember my first publication. My first poem entitled "I wish I were that girl" was actually published in Star Newspaper, under Poetry Corner. Sadly, I didn't manage to keep it. How did I know it was published in that newspaper that might have been used to wrap nasi lemak? (Note:Nasi lemak is Malaysian food. Yummy. I'm salivating).
Okay, let me confess something. At times, I love to google myself. Yes, just like an old lady who doesn't have a life. Well, it's just for a precaution in case people might sabotage you or your horrible pictures might pop up. Yeah, I know I am just a nobody but like I said, just for a precaution.
Again, not to boast or anything *evil grins*, there were two people who surprisingly loved my ridiculous poem. Hey, to me, two people are a lot!That's how I knew it was published in Star Newspaper. Whaddaya know. Googling yourself paid off after all.
I love it when my ridiculous poems evoke people's emotions or inspire them. I want my poems to be people's confidantes, loyal best friends or a friend who you usually watch movies with, as if my poems are speaking to you, saying you're not alone.
I don't want my poems to be literary writings that perplex people's mind or to be intricate like annoying mathematical problems.
Yes, I admit, my poems are not like Shakespeare, Robert Frost or Emily Dickinson. But, I write with my heart and soul. I really hope my poems can inspire you or be your loyal and a little bit of your annoying friends.
I'm thinking of self-publish since it's difficult to find a publisher. I know I will not gain any profits. But hey, that is not the reason for me to write poems. I want to inspire, annoy you and make my poems to be your loyal friends.
By the way, before I go, here is poem of a day entitled "The Red Balloon":
Last night, I have a beautiful heartbreaking dream. I was at an unknown place, swarming with people. I elbowed my way through the teeming place and felt like walking through the dark road with dim street lights. Some people seemed familiar especially one particular person who made my heart freeze. It was him, the one who is utterly important to me albeit he broke it. Yes, I could feel my apprehension in that dream. I did not know why I felt scared when I saw him. Perhaps, I was scared of getting hurt again. His smile was glowing like starlight. Perhaps, it's because his dream came true. I was never in his dream or not even close to his world.
I evaded him by going the opposite path. Then, a platoon of vicious soldiers came from nowhere, brandishing guns at us. I heard people screaming and everything turned chaotic. Instead of running for my life, I was looking for him. All I could think about was his safety.
I spun around and ran straight to him as soon as I found him. I shielded him with my body. While shielding him, I held both of his hands tightly. It felt so real. I could feel his warmth. I knew it was inappropriate and sinful to touch opposite gender but I couldn't control myself. As if I were possessed by something. I whispered to him word by word, "I..love.. you.. Always!" I let go both of his hands slowly when one of the vicious soldiers shot me.
Then, I woke up. I wonder what's the real meaning behind my dream.Perhaps, that vicious soldier who shot me signifies painful reality and letting go means I need to move on even though I still have strong feelings for him.
Yes, honestly, I still do care about him and his happiness. That's why I tried to erase him from my mind as he has found his happiness. No more chasing after him. I let him go because I truly love him. I wish I know why I have these enigmatically strong feelings for him.
It reminds me of the scene from The Phantom of the Opera play. The phantom let Chrisitine go so she could marry Raoul and be happy albeit he still has strong feelings for her. I could feel Erik, the phantom's pain deeply.
I wish moving on is as easy as eating. I want to be happy too, to love and be loved in return. I am tired with wasting my time with unrequited love and sad endings.
But, I know Allah knows best. I trust Him and His wisdom. I really hope my dream comes true too. To love and be loved in return and be happy with my significant other in this world and the Hereafter.Please, Ar-Rahman, make it come true.