Wednesday, September 10, 2014

"For I love him, and he didn't love back."

Two-Volume Novel
The sun's gone dim, and
The moon's turned black;
For I loved him, and
He didn't love back. 
-Dorothy Parker-

I love this poem as though it's speaking to me, "You're not alone!" This poem is palpably sad and I can indeed relate to this. By the way here are my poems for today. Both are six-word poems entitled "Unrequited"  and "Love":

You are
my music
of pain.

You are
my poison,
my wine.


Monday, September 8, 2014


people can be
as cold as loneliness
colder than the callous winter.
Their eyes are gelid
and they can freeze you
to death.


Sunday, August 31, 2014


Assalamualaikum and hello there,

It has been awhile since I last rambled on and on like an old lady who doesn't have a life. I miss writing discursively, grousing about my mundane problems, and expressing my nonexistent love life.

 Like always, I'm still stuck with my never-ending thesis. Alhamdulillah, at least I've submitted to the second examiner. I hope my examiner would not die of boredom reading it. Please pray for me. #PrayforNuruljannah.

By the way, for you information, (not to swank about or anything *snorts*), two of my poems "Akad Nikah" and "Repetition" have been published in "Asian Centre Anthology of Malaysian Poetry in English".

Alhamdulillah. I remember my first publication. My first poem entitled "I wish I were that girl" was actually published in Star Newspaper, under Poetry Corner. Sadly, I didn't manage to keep it. How did I know it was published in that newspaper that might have been used to wrap nasi lemak? (Note:Nasi lemak is Malaysian food. Yummy. I'm salivating). 

Okay, let me confess something. At times, I love to google myself. Yes, just like an old lady who doesn't have a life. Well, it's just for a precaution in case people might sabotage you or your horrible pictures might pop up. Yeah, I know I am just a nobody but like I said, just for a precaution.

 Again, not to boast or anything *evil grins*, there were two people who surprisingly loved my ridiculous poem. Hey, to me, two people are a lot! That's how I knew it was published in Star Newspaper. Whaddaya know. Googling yourself paid off after all.

I love it when my ridiculous  poems evoke people's emotions or inspire them. I want my poems to be people's confidantes, loyal best friends or a friend who you usually watch movies with, as if my poems are speaking to you, saying you're not alone.

I don't want my poems to be literary writings that perplex people's mind or to be intricate like annoying mathematical problems. 

Yes, I admit, my poems are not like Shakespeare, Robert Frost or Emily Dickinson. But, I write with my heart and soul. I really hope my poems can inspire you or be your loyal and a little bit of your annoying friends.

I'm thinking of self-publish since it's difficult to find a publisher. I know I will not gain any profits. But hey, that is not the reason for me to write poems. I want to inspire, annoy you  and make my poems to be your loyal friends.

Whaddaya think?

By the way, before I go, here is poem of a day entitled "The Red Balloon":

The Red Balloon

Teach me Ya Rahman,
how to let go this
red balloon
that does not 
belong to me?

Teach me Ya Rahim,
how to soothe my aching heart
when I let this 
red balloon go?

Teach me Ya Wadud,
how to untie its string that is
intricately wrapped
around my wrist?

Please teach me Ya Rabb,
how to let go.


Wednesday, June 18, 2014

I still dream about you.

Last night, I have a beautiful heartbreaking dream. I was at an unknown place, swarming with people. I elbowed my way through the teeming place and felt like walking through the dark road with dim street lights. Some people seemed familiar especially one particular person who made my heart freeze. It was him, the one who is utterly important to me albeit he broke it. Yes, I could feel my apprehension in that dream. I did not know why I felt scared when I saw him. Perhaps, I was scared of getting hurt again. His smile was glowing like starlight. Perhaps, it's because his dream came true. I was never in his dream or not even close to his world.

I evaded him by going the opposite path. Then, a platoon of vicious soldiers came from nowhere, brandishing guns at us. I heard people screaming and everything turned chaotic. Instead of running for my life, I was looking for him. All I could think about was his safety.

 I spun around and ran straight to him as soon as I found him. I shielded him with my body. While shielding him, I held both of his hands tightly. It felt so real. I could feel his warmth. I knew it was inappropriate and sinful to touch opposite gender but I couldn't control myself. As if I were possessed by something. I whispered to him word by word, " you.. Always!" I let go both of his hands slowly when one of the vicious soldiers shot me.

Then, I woke up. I wonder what's the real meaning behind my dream.Perhaps, that vicious soldier who shot me signifies painful reality and letting go means I need to move on even though I still have strong feelings for him.

Yes, honestly, I still do care about him and his happiness. That's why I tried to erase him from my mind as he has found his happiness. No more chasing after him. I let him go because I truly love him. I wish I know why I have these enigmatically strong feelings for him.

It reminds me of the scene from The Phantom of the Opera play. The phantom let Chrisitine go so she could marry Raoul and be happy albeit he still has strong feelings for her. I could feel Erik, the phantom's pain deeply.

I wish moving on is as easy as eating. I want to be happy too, to love and be loved in return. I am tired with wasting my time with unrequited love and sad endings.

But, I know Allah knows best. I trust Him and His wisdom. I really hope my dream comes true too. To love and be loved in return and be happy with my significant other in this world and the Hereafter.Please, Ar-Rahman, make it come true.

Monday, June 16, 2014


Assalamualaikum and hi there. I know I've failed (again) to complete NaPoWriMo challenge as I'm currently struggling to complete my tedious Master's thesis. Oh, well. By the way, here's my poem for today. I just want to share my madness with all of you ngehahaha..okay, just ignore my menacing laugh (don't worry it's harmless) Here goes:


How can you live
in the place
that you called home
where you breathe loneliness
and the walls turn darker,
where you can only hear
anger echoes,
they blame you
for all the madness,
where you don't realize
you are married to the
freezing loneliness that crawls
in your skin
night and day,
where you feel like
you don't belong here
in the place that you called


P.S. Yup, this Master's thesis indeed drives me insane.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

NaPoWriMo #8: Tonight I can sing the saddest tune (after Neruda)

Day 8's prompt is to rewrite a famous poem. Okay, challenge accepted!This is like me preparing a meal (which is indeed disastrous as I'm culinary challenged). I'm going to rewrite one of Pablo Neruda's poems, Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Line. This is Neruda's poem:

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example,'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my sould is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

-Pablo Neruda-

This is my version:

Tonight I can sing the saddest tune.

I hold my pen and croon,
Tonight I can sing the saddest tune.

With my shattered hope and the pale moonlight,
I croon in the somber night.

The immense night is without the shivering stars,
and there is nothing but my bleeding scars.

Sometimes, Hope can tear you apart,
Just what it did to my fragile heart.

The man I love is distant and cold,
And indeed I am not his precious gold.

He fills my intricate void, my remedy, my salve,
How can you love and miss someone you never have?

Yet, I still pray for his well-being
and I never stop praying.

I still love him, I do
By protecting her too.

Tonight I can sing the saddest tune.
I hold my pen and croon.

With my shattered hope and the pale moonlight,
I croon in the somber night.

Perhaps, this is not my last time
I sing for him with my broken rhyme.


Monday, April 7, 2014

NaPoWriMo #7 Books

Day 7's prompt is to write a love poem but the target object must be inanimate. Here goes:

You take me to the world
where actuality tastes like
cotton candy
and play me the music
of words
to annihilate my pain.
You make me forget
the loneliness' footprints 
on my heart.
Sometimes, I do feel like
burning you
but most of the time
you fill my world
with your spectacular colours and magic.
How can I live without 
my painter?
I carry you
in my soul,
as you are
my loyal companion
my amorous lover
my home.