Apathy

Only God hears my weep,

And my silent dua for you.

Only God listens to my silent whisper,

The unspoken poetry that

I have composed for you.

Only God can heal

My bruised heart,

As you might not know

That you have squished my soul

With your apathy.

I may not even exist

In your world

Like you're

In mine,

As someone else

Has invaded your world.

-Nuruljannah-

My power

You avert your eyes,

Turn away your feet,

And look through me as if

I am nonexistent. 

Sometimes I feel like

I have the power to

Be invisible,

And perhaps,

My power of invisibility

Only works on

You.

-Nuruljannah-

Pending

Waiting, fidgeting, gnawing on nails,

Palpitating heart, saturating sweats,

Smacking head, screaming, sobbing,

Lying in bed, putting head under the pillow,

Getting up, switching on the laptop, scrolling,

Tears trickling down, looking and waiting.

-Nuruljannah-

If one day

If one day I still keep
These unspoken feelings from you,
And you do not have the chance
To listen to my every syllable, my every word,my every sentence
And my long awkward pauses,
You can read all my poems
That I have composed for you,
On my scattered notebook pages,
On my Ipad,
In my long-winded blog,
Through my siblings and
Closed acquaintances.

If one day,
Death greets you,
Believe me,
InsyaAllah, you would be safe,
Unscathed,
As you are always in my dua,
And I never stop praying
For you.

If Death greets me first,
I hope I could still pray for your safety
In this world and the Hereafter.

If one day you stop
Hearing news about me,
It does not mean I stop making dua
For you,
My feelings for you
Are like the gushing river
Albeit you may not think of me,
Not even a second,
As I know only she
conquers the space
In your heart.

I will still pray for your safety and eternal bliss,
Despite you are the cause of my patched heart,
I will still remember you
In my dua.

-Nuruljannah-

Let Me Breathe with Your Light

Please kill me,
Before Death greets,
Let me breathe
In Your light,
Let my heart be detached
From this ephemeral
Mirage.
Let my heart be free
From this attachment.
I do not want
To taste this bitter
Disappointment.
Please kill
All my unwanted desires,
My attachment to
these transient beings
And things.
Please kill me,
Let me breathe,
In Your light,
Before Death greets,
Before my heart dies,
Please kill me,
O Creator of Death,
Let me breathe,
In Your light.

-Nuruljannah-

I feel inspired after I read "Reclaim Your Heart" by Yasmin Mogahed. It's highly recommended.

My flawed warm blanket

You are running
Like a terrified child
Trapped in the intricate
darkness,
While I am
running after you
Offering my warm blanket
That is adorned with patches,
Hoping to shield you
from the coldness
that often haunts us
like a restless ghoul.
You keep running
like the gushing river.
When are you going to stop?
Will you ever shroud yourself in my flawed
warm blanket?
Perhaps, there might
be a time
where I stop
running and toss
that blanket into
the bottomless sea.

-Nuruljannah-

An Artist in Love

One of my favourite poems by Lang Leav. She has described perfectly my situation with her beautiful poignant words.