The Funniest Joke

I remember you once said

in the Distance,

"People don't read poetry in public."

I guffawed silently at your

ludicrous joke,

It is like saying

a fish doesn't sleep.

I read poetry in the 

vigorous sea of people,

at the wedding reception

while the bride and groom

sit stiffly on the prodigal wedding stage.

I read poetry while shopping 

with my mother,

where sale signs

are like a decorated Christmas tree.

I read poetry while swimming 

in my loneliness, when my smile 

is broken,while savouring

red velvet cake and coffee

that are salty.

I even read you,
 I write about you

my melancholic poetry,

You just don't know

and might never know.

I can still hear your voice

"People don' read poetry in public."

Oh boy, you are wrong!

-Nuruljannah-

When I say, "I Love You"

When I say I love you,
It means I dare to
Step on my delicate dreams,
Bruise my own soul
With my foolishness,
Cut my own hands
To let you go.


-Nuruljannah-

Akad Nikah

You wear black songkok,
Your baju melayu is as white as
Pristine snow.
I wear black baju kurung,
As black as a crow.

Aku terima nikahnya
Dengan mas kahwin yang tersebut.

Your smile blinds me,
You shine brightly,
While I sip salt tea.

Aku terima nikahnya
Dengan mas kahwin yang tersebut.

Why do when I smile,
It feels like tearing my lips
With a blade?

Aku terima nikahnya
Dengan mas kahwin yang tersebut.

Only Allah can listen
To my silent prayers,
Your dreams did come true,
I cannot help it,
I sip salt tea.

Aku terima nikahnya
Dengan mas kahwin yang tersebut.

You wear black songkok,
Your baju melayu is as white as
Pristine snow.
I wear black baju kurung,
As black as a crow.

-Nuruljannah-

That Ring on Your Left Finger

I see a shiny
Ring
On your left finger.

Like an arrow
It shoots me
Right on the bullseye.

You curve
A deep
Stealthy smile.

I mask myself
With saccharine smiles
Hoping others would not
Smell my despair.

I know He is there
Watching my invisible tears
Counting my drops of blood.

He did give me
What I desire most,
To see your smile
Like the radiant sun.

Please tell me
Why does my heart
Shed blood
When I see that ring
On your left finger?

-Nuruljannah-

Noises

These noises
Are like mad thunders,
And ravenous lions,
They are
Grayish, deadly
Clouds.
Do not let them take
You
Away from me.

-Nuruljannah-

Without You

I wish I could clear all the noises inside my head as I need Him to pass my test. I wrote this long time ago. Here goes:

Without You
Without You,
I would go astray,
Like an aimless traveller,
Without a map and compass.
The loneliness would be my garment,
The salt water I would drink,
And the perpetual blaze
Would be my future abode.
My volatile lump of meat
Could drag me away from
Reaching your Eternal Love,
As it is bathed with desires.
Never leave me,
I can only implore
Beseech and plead,
As I need You to lead me to
You.

-Nuruljannah-

Repetition

Sometimes having a cup of coffee and composing a lousy poetry could mend your heart a bit. Well, not really. Ar-Rahman is always there. Sometimes these noises in my heart have blinded me from sensing His warmth and closeness. By the way, I wrote a poem entitled "Repetition" in my dusty notebook. This is not about God, Ar-Rahman. It's about someone who I really care about, the one who's out of my reach. Here goes:

Repetition
I sing in disconsolate tune,
I see you there,
Untouchable, unobtainable,
My soul sings the loudest croon,
As sombre as the darkness blooms,
I would never be there,
So I sing in disconsolate tune,
In the stillness,
I see you there,
Untouchable, unobtainable,
My soul sings the loudest croon,
As sombre as the darkness blooms.

-Nuruljannah-

To My Dearest Buddy

Both hearts are teeming

With unintended scars.

Our views are discordant

Like bumper cars.

Like a wounded soldier

We retreat to our shell,

I miss our ridiculousness,

Our endless tale.

We used to laugh

Like there is something

Tickling our soul,

I do not want our friendship ends with parting.

My heart is as fragile as

a dream,

You know it is not invincible 

When it comes to him.

I know you are concerned,

I am too,

Both have different interpretations

Perhaps, we both have wrongly construed.

People have different methods,

When they walk through the path of thorns,

All I want is for you to be here with me,

While eating ice-cream cones.

I know I love to weep,

As I cannot catch the wind,

I do not intend to make you weak,

I just need your shoulder to lean on.

What makes me sadder

You are fading away too,

What should I do?

I don't want us to be two.

-Nuruljannah-

Goodbye

I fell in love with a man,
Who indeed drives me insane.

I did not see it coming,
It is indeed bad timing.

I felt there was a strong connection,
But it is gruelling to grab your attention.

It has always been her in your heart,
She is your invaluable diamond cut.

You pine after her,
Your happily-ever-after.

While I am just a fool,
Who broke every rule.

I let my heart lead the way,
It makes me go astray.

I heard you won her heart back,
I almost got a heart attack.

You have stung me like a deadly bee,
But you are still important to me.

If she ever hurts you,
I'll haunt her and whoever hurts you too.

Your happiness is what I desire,
Even if you burn me like fire.

I really miss the moment when you said "hi"
But now it's time to say goodbye.

-Nuruljannah-

P.S. Only Allah knows how I feel right now.

Dear God

Dear God,
The Almighty One,
If he is not the one for me,
And these feelings,
Are not your gift,
Please remove him,
Please cut this enigmatic chord,
Please annihilate these ludicrous worries.

It is difficult,
Dear Ar-Rahman,
To stifle these adamant tears
Especially when
my heart cries
With unseen tears.
Please dear God,
The Almighty One,
Please make my heart stop
from bleeding
With reddish tears,
Please remove him,
Please cut this enigmatic chord,
Please annihilate these ludicrous worries.

-Nuruljannah-

I Heard Your Dreams Are Coming True

I heard
Your dreams
Are coming true,
Soon,
The knives are piercing through my soul,
I still curve a wide smile
At least your dreams
Are coming true,
I could see you, smiling,
Its radiance almost blinded me,
I've never seen it before,
I know your dreams are coming true,
But the knives are piercing through my soul,
As I am not in that dream,
Hey,
At least your dreams are coming true,
And I am glad,
Albeit the knives are piercing though my soul.

-Nuruljannah-

The Road of Thorns

How could I walk away

If you're the one who fills

My intricate void,

The void that I've never

realized I had.
 I know I have to

walk straight ahead,

And bear walking

On this road of thorns.

You have

given me the answer

In a convoluted way,

Where should I head to.

I try to walk straight ahead

On this road of thorns,
As long as it is not you
who bleeds.

-Nuruljannah-

My Gardenia

I wish I could

Weed out this

Adamant gardenia
That grew inside my heart,

And I did not have enough strength,

To pluck it

And give it to you.

It took me for
Almost 5 years
To pluck it.

When I did,

It seems you cannot see

My pure gardenia,

As you already possess,

An enchanting red rose.

-Nuruljannah-

There is nothing lonelier than

There is nothing lonelier than
Waiting for someone
Who would never come.
I wait there, shuddering,
Through the dim passages.
Dust of hope impedes me
From walking away,
I wait there, shuddering
Without knowing that I have
built black walls,
That separate me from
The Creator of Light.

-Nuruljannah-

Your answer

The distance keeps growing,

I see callousness in your eyes,

The friendly smiles wane,

The walls are taller and thicker.

Perhaps, that is your answer

To my question.

-Nuruljannah-

At Last

At Last

The secret poetry,

The music I play for you,

The unspoken words,

I've let them free.

I know I should rejoice

As no regrets will haunt me,

Even if the result is

Catastrophic,

But,

Nothing worse when you replied me

Like an unresolved cliffhanger.

-Nurujannah-

Apathy

Only God hears my weep,

And my silent dua for you.

Only God listens to my silent whisper,

The unspoken poetry that

I have composed for you.

Only God can heal

My bruised heart,

As you might not know

That you have squished my soul

With your apathy.

I may not even exist

In your world

Like you're

In mine,

As someone else

Has invaded your world.

-Nuruljannah-

My power

You avert your eyes,

Turn away your feet,

And look through me as if

I am nonexistent. 

Sometimes I feel like

I have the power to

Be invisible,

And perhaps,

My power of invisibility

Only works on

You.

-Nuruljannah-

Pending

Waiting, fidgeting, gnawing on nails,

Palpitating heart, saturating sweats,

Smacking head, screaming, sobbing,

Lying in bed, putting head under the pillow,

Getting up, switching on the laptop, scrolling,

Tears trickling down, looking and waiting.

-Nuruljannah-

If one day

If one day I still keep
These unspoken feelings from you,
And you do not have the chance
To listen to my every syllable, my every word,my every sentence
And my long awkward pauses,
You can read all my poems
That I have composed for you,
On my scattered notebook pages,
On my Ipad,
In my long-winded blog,
Through my siblings and
Closed acquaintances.

If one day,
Death greets you,
Believe me,
InsyaAllah, you would be safe,
Unscathed,
As you are always in my dua,
And I never stop praying
For you.

If Death greets me first,
I hope I could still pray for your safety
In this world and the Hereafter.

If one day you stop
Hearing news about me,
It does not mean I stop making dua
For you,
My feelings for you
Are like the gushing river
Albeit you may not think of me,
Not even a second,
As I know only she
conquers the space
In your heart.

I will still pray for your safety and eternal bliss,
Despite you are the cause of my patched heart,
I will still remember you
In my dua.

-Nuruljannah-

Let Me Breathe with Your Light

Please kill me,
Before Death greets,
Let me breathe
In Your light,
Let my heart be detached
From this ephemeral
Mirage.
Let my heart be free
From this attachment.
I do not want
To taste this bitter
Disappointment.
Please kill
All my unwanted desires,
My attachment to
these transient beings
And things.
Please kill me,
Let me breathe,
In Your light,
Before Death greets,
Before my heart dies,
Please kill me,
O Creator of Death,
Let me breathe,
In Your light.

-Nuruljannah-

I feel inspired after I read "Reclaim Your Heart" by Yasmin Mogahed. It's highly recommended.

My flawed warm blanket

You are running
Like a terrified child
Trapped in the intricate
darkness,
While I am
running after you
Offering my warm blanket
That is adorned with patches,
Hoping to shield you
from the coldness
that often haunts us
like a restless ghoul.
You keep running
like the gushing river.
When are you going to stop?
Will you ever shroud yourself in my flawed
warm blanket?
Perhaps, there might
be a time
where I stop
running and toss
that blanket into
the bottomless sea.

-Nuruljannah-

An Artist in Love

One of my favourite poems by Lang Leav. She has described perfectly my situation with her beautiful poignant words.

I see you everywhere

Well, it sucks to miss someone who doesn't miss you at all or even think about you. I always feel I'm pathetic. So, that's why I love to channel my pathetic emotions into pathetic poetry. Here goes:

I see you everywhere

I see you everywhere,
In discordant noises,
In men who wear a white shirt
Or dark colours,
In women who don colourful clothes,
In kids who guffaw,
As all of them have fused
Into the form of
you.

-Nuruljannah-

Unfathomable

I wish I could describe,
And choose the perfect words,
To paint my vivid feelings,
To make you fathom,
This unfathomable heart.

I wish I could pour out,
These pent-up emotions,
Like strong coffee into a cup,
To make you taste my
Imperceptible pain,
The pain of seeing
This red rose blooms,
Burgeoning day by day
Despite your absence.

I know you will never reap and keep,
And see its tears seep,
But there it still grows for
You.

-Nuruljannah-

The Real Poetry

Composing a poem is not about the rhyme,
Or like contriving a perfect crime,
It is not a mere obfuscation,
Or to accentuate your sophistication.
It is to express and not to impress,
Venting emotions which are suppressed.
Let it go effusively even in a free verse
And you don’t have to rehearse.
Spew all of them out,
Despite what they are about.
Don’t hesitate or say later,
Because you will feel much much better,
Express yourself and be free,
This is what I called the real poetry.

-Nuruljannah-

Communication

Composing a beautiful poem is like me courting a man (which obviously I'm baad at it!) . They even sound trying too hard to be a poem. Nevertheless, I am writing my poems based on my mawkish soul, emotion,(the main ingredient of course) and hormonal imbalance.

Roberst Frost, Pablo Neruda, Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi, Charles Bukowski (I'm just have fallen in love with his poetry) and Lang Leav are my favourite poets and I really wish I could express beautifully like them.
But my poems are like a loser who wants desperately to be a popular girl.

Oh well, I will still write, write and write till you puke, puke and puke. My poems are mostly maudlin, remember? But what the heck, here goes:


Communication
Sometimes, eyes speak louder
Like deafening thunder,
I wish you could see them,
Without the noises
In your head.
I wish you could hear me
Communicating with you,
Through my silence and
my eyes.

-Nuruljannah-

Suffocation

Suffocation

These unspoken feelings,
Wrap their chilly fingers around my neck
Like a noose.

-Nuruljannah-

If I had the chance

Another mawkish poem for today:

If I had the chance to be your lawful wife,
I would cook your favourite food,
Even though I am culinary-challenged.

I would hug you,
When you cry with or without tears
Silently or loudly,
I would hug you until you are okay,
Even if it is 3 or 4 a.m. in the morning,
And I could not open my eyes.

I would protect you,
Even though you are capable of protecting yourself,
And I would take care of you if you're sick,
Like a professional nurse.

I would try to put up with your ridiculous mood swings,
And embrace your flaws,
Ironing your all shirts,
Even though I hate ironing clothes.

But for now,
I could only pray
For your happiness,
Even though you never look back
At me.


-Nuruljannah-

I love writing soppy poems for you

I love writing soppy poems for you

I love writing soppy poems,
Specifically for you.
Sometimes my words are florid,
Like driving the Lamborghini in Jakarta,
Sometimes they are as simple as
A girl who wears a plain dress,
With no fancy accessories,
And frilly ornaments.

Most of the time they are tuneless,
No specific rhythm,
Just like an amateur
Playing a violin.

But I compose this poem,
And many more,
Specifically for you.

Even if you never read
Or hear them,
I will keep writing them
For you,
Until I wake up
From this perpetual dream.

-Nuruljannah-

P.S. I feel inspired out of blue. Thanks to you albeit you are "far away".

A void

Ah it seems I didn't manage to complete the challenge. My mind is utterly muddled and there are many unresolved problems. Perhaps I'll try to complete the challenge next time insyaAllah. By the way, I've deleted some poems of mine because I think they sound like trying too hard to be a poem. Here's my poem for today after a hiatus. Here goes:


A void

There is a crack
An intricate void
In my heart,
Yearning for
The fulfillment.

The void is vast, cold.
And it looks like a black hole,
Impossible to be thwarted
Except if you are here.

-Nuruljannah-

NaPoWriMo no.9: The Sealed Voice

Alright, I've to stop slacking off and start working on my proposal. But before that, here it is my poem for today called "The Sealed Voice".

The Sealed Voice

The voice is sealed.
Listen. Gust of air
Permeates the dark room.
The chained windows daubed
With dust.
Dolorous eyes look,
Upon the unopened windows.
The wallpaper of metal walls knitted.
 No doors. No light.
Listen. The voice is sealed.
And the windows could never be
Opened, Unlocked, Freed.

-Nuruljannah-

NaPoWriMo No.8: Hope might be my enemy

Ah, the next challenge for day 8 is composing a poem in Ottava Rima. What's Ottava Rima? Some kind of food or Japanese name? Nah, it's "a rhyming stanza form of Italian origin (Wikipedia a.k.a humans' best friend) and consists of the following pattern: a-b-a-b-a-b-c-c. Okay, here goes my first poem in Ottava Rima called "Hope might be my enemy".

Hope might be my enemy

Hope might be my enemy,
My heart could not see,
As you are its remedy,
Even you are the deadly bee,
Hope is callous and empty,
It drowns my heart into the bottomless sea,
Nothing I see but the ruthless painfulness,
My heart still desires for your endless happiness.

-Nuruljannah-

NaPoWriMo No.6 :- If I Were A Man

For day 6, instead of writing a valediction (prompt for the day), I've composed a bittersweet love poem ( I'm a hopeless romantic what do you expect?) called "If I Were A Man".

If I Were A Man

If I were a man,

And you were a woman,

Perhaps it would be easier,

To speak the language

Of unspoken words,

And I could touch

Your delicate heart.

If I were a man,

And you were a woman,

I could be your protector,

Your insurmountable shield,

Despite you never whisper my name.

If I were a man,

And you were a woman,

 I could brazenly propose to you,

To make sure you are safe in this world

 and the Hereafter.

If I were a man,

And you were a woman,

I would listen to your incessant tears,

And wipe them with soothing words.

But I am a woman,

And you are a man,

Capturing your heart,

Is like filling the net,

With water.

-Nuruljannah-

NaWriMo no:5: I see

Composing a cinquain poem is like me, solving intricate mathematical problems while doing tap dance. I'll give it a go though. Be warned! My cinquain poem might look like overcooked chicken. Here goes, my first cinquain poem called "I see":

I see

I see

With glistening eyes,

While no hope might be sparked

In this ephemeral sad dream of mine,

It kills. 

-Nuruljannah-

P.S. Well, it does look like metaphorically overcooked chicken than a cinquain poem. And that what makes it unique.

NaWriMo 4: The Cactus

Another poem for today since in Malaysia, it's already 4th April.I'm going to re-post my poem that I've deleted called "The Cactus".

The Cactus

As long as

I can protect you

From the ceaseless rain,

Let the thorns feast on

My skin

My heart

My soul.

Even you do not require

My presence

And never turn around,

I will keep protecting you

From afar

Even the thorns

Feast on my skin

My heart

My soul

For eternity.

-Nuruljannah-

NaPoWriMo No:3: You

I feel so inspired today. Nevertheless, I could not compose a poem based on the "sea shanty", the theme for the third poem. Since it's optional and I don't have the flair for writing lyrical work song or whatsoever, I've decided to compose this short poem, my own "sea shanty" called "You".


You

You are my favourite melody,
My pen, my beautiful words,
The panacea for my writer's block,
My unintended amaranthine love.

But I am just
The plain dust in your eyes.

-Nuruljannah-

NaPoWriMo no.2 : The Flagrant Lies

You might be wondering (or couldn't care less) that I've deleted my poem called "The Cactus". I didn't check the NaPoWrimo site (http://www.napowrimo.net/) and it turned out there's a theme for the second poem. So, I've decided to give it a go. It's about lies. Here goes:

The Flagrant Lies
I hate it when you look at me,

And curve that perfect
Devious smile,

I hate listening to your mellifluous voice,

I hate your distinctive style.

I never think about you,
Not once, twice or thrice,
No, you are not the one
Who stays and lingers
Endlessly in my heart.

Could not you see,
Could not you feel,
These are purely lies?

-Nuruljannah-

NaPoWriMo no:1- Lamppost

Since I was born in April (14th April, in case you want to know) and I love poetry so much, I've decided to participate in a project called "NaPoWriMo" (National Poetry Writing Month) in which you have to compose a poem each day for a month. Cool, huh? For more information on "NaPoWriMo", please go to http://www.napowrimo.net/.

Here's my poem for today:

Lamppost

Standing still, shivering,

I could not wring the coldness,

Under the unlighted lamppost,

No humans' breath but mine.

The streetlights are luminous,

Ablaze with prolific light,

The infinite radiance,

While I am standing still, watching,

The darkness, roaming,

Pervading the lamppost of mine.

The movement is not chained,

The freedom is in my hand,

To taste the bountiful

Heated light of others.

But yet,

I am standing still,

Under the unlighted lamppost,

Sealing my eyes,

With hope. 

-Nuruljannah-